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"I only date fat chicks because they give better sex. It's like they know they have to work harder because they're fat, so they are great in bed. Besides, a fat chick will never cheat on you or leave you. They're just grateful to have a good-looking man."

Yeah, that's a quote, or close enough as I remember it, though I was stunned speechless at the time. Fat chicks never hear these things, when everyone else in the world seems to take it as the gospel truth. God bless the Internet and its anonymity! It was my first "in" to what people below a thirty-eight inch waist talk about, and has solidified my opinion that there's no man like a redneck hillbilly.

What I like best about a hillbilly man is his appreciation for a nice, big ass. Around here, "More cushion for the pushin" just means "hey, fat wimmin are fine!" Not to say that there aren't stigmas to being a size 16/18, just that I don't know of any. Of course I'm employed and own my own house. That may be the reason I've never been compelled to feel grateful when getting a date with a nice looking man. When you live in a poor county, the priorities are just different.

My hillbilly man has a tight body from hard work. I appreciate that and prefer it. He has his gifts and I have mine; that's just the way of things. Around these parts, you more often hear "Damn, how did he get HER?" rather than "How did she hook HIM?" It's about self-sufficiency. There aren't many good jobs and education isn't at the top of a list of Things To Do. Fatty or not, if you work your ass off (not all of it, of course) and make a decent life, then you can pick and choose. God, I love the mountains!

I've been thinking that I don't plan to travel much. I hear that, in some parts of the country, people think fat chicks smell bad and that they are lazy. Can you imagine? It's hard for me to understand how that came to be. In the mountains, from way back, a man didn't want a fragile woman. Hell, how could she survive, work the farm? There's a certain beauty to a stout woman, and strength. If, on an airplane, someone complained about the size of my ass then I'm sure I'd offer to let them sit in my lap—after laughing to high heaven. heheh. How hilarious is that? "Sir, is my ass in your way?" Then again, I might just punch him in the eye for not knowing how to treat a lady.

I'm grateful for so many things—first and foremost, that I've never thought "That man wouldn't want me; I'm too fat," or "I can't get that job; my ass is holding me back." Seems alien and sort of silly to me. I'm grateful for all the mountain men who count their blessings when they can find a woman who's hardworking and has passing good sense.

People don't want to talk about size. Well, maybe it's the extra four sizes on my Levis that make me not give a shit. Southern women aren't all dainty and retiring, quiet and shy. Some are large and bold and okay with that. Thank god for the men who appreciate them. Hillbilly men, you rule!

Teresa Browning : I'm a teacher at a partial-hospitalization ward for adolescents with behavior and emotional disorders. I live in far southeastern Kentucky amidst the mountains and abandoned coalfields with my psychotic dogs, children and spouse.