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- S A Griffin |
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Marijuana Midget Meltdown in the haze of the smoke comes the shake of the hand and we're on our way to Amsterdam to be with the citizen stoners home of Van Gough M.C. Escher, Rembrandt weed! the capital of bud where folks medicate freely Tony and I were to go for the annual Cannabis Cup a worthy goal inspired by an underground type video tape of a past cup the best laid plans as a warm up we thought we'd go Alice B. Toklas invite some friends over for a bon voyage sort of affair we all threw in had also just recently harvested a plant so I thought it only proper to celebrate by throwing some of that bad boy into the mix as well made some dangerous delicious toll house chocolate chip cookies members of the local chapter of the Cannabis Support Group were called to meet cookies consumed and soon they worked their way into the bloodstream to ride the rhythm and make their magic all were pinned just as I was coming on a recent arrival to the shindig one of the regular guys at The Onyx Cafe down the street came into the kitchen to say hi the lights went off bells rang an okay guy but he was no stoner it was my duty to explain to him what was up and that he sure as hell wasn't obligated "Hey man, just wanted to let you know that there is pot in the cookies, and it's not the same as smoking the stuff. Much, much different." "Oh I know. That's cool... I already had one!" he giggled and swam eagerly back into the soiree no coming back now my man was on the river of no return not only had he never imbibed before he was a midget and myself at 200+ pounds was feeling no pain after only one the pot party played on like a 45 on 33 at 78 more cookies and we were most assuredly more fucked up Where's my pal the first timer? I go out to the porch "Seen Crazy Freddie?" "Oh yeah." sez Mr. M. earnestly, "He said he thought he was having a heart attack and went around the front." I start laughing my ass off 'cause I think he's fucking with me and when you're stoned that's what you do laugh a lot "What are you laughing about. What are you guys all laughing about man? Seriously. He thought he was dying." we are too wrapped around the THC to know whether or not he is putting us on I go back into the party "Seen Crazy Freddie?" somebody sez, "Yeah I think he called an ambulance and then walked out front to meet it." "For real?" "Yeah for real." "Fuck How many cookies did he have?" one person sez 2 another 4 all I can think is that the poor little guy has gone weed whacky he's had serious liftoff and soon will be talking to his own personal God on high and me I'll be talking to my kid from the other side of some very thick glass if I don't take care of business TCB on the THC baby I kick it in gear and try to inconspicuously check out what is up Holy fucking shit! right in front of the building is parked an ambulance with lights blazing I cruise up the street so I can get a look-see sure as hell it pops out of the darkness like an Edward Hopper painting : the back of this ambulance lit like Christmas with the whitest most immaculate lights I'd ever seen shining on my friend his mouth going a mile a minute and two emergency attendants writing furiously What the hell do I do? I figure my friend is cool the ambulance guys'll take care of him nothing I can do anyway I gotta go tell everyone inside because you see I got that pot plant the size of a small tree hanging upside down in the hall closet curing and a bunch of stoners sitting around pinned to the ceiling goofing interior I rush back into the apartment flash past the front door and make a bee line for the closet and with complete economy of movement fling open the door snatch that plant make to the front door hit my mark and announce to everyone that Crazy Freddie is fucked up sitting in the back of an ambulance out front talking a mile a minute and that the ambulance drivers are taking copious notes "If any of you have any trouble with the law you might want to split now before any cops arrive." a few make haste then I rush out back to where the cars are parked behind the building pacing back and forth with this damned pot plant in my hand mumbling aloud, "What the fuck am I gonna do with this thing? What the fuck am I gonna do? Shit!" slapping my bald head as if I'm gonna knock some sense into it over and over back and forth I can see a neighbor about 2 blocks down checking me out I fix a fried look on the guy and he dashes away like a frightened rabbit there's nowhere to go the ambulance is out front and there's no exit out back I start thinking out loud stupid shit like I'll never do anything like this again in exchange for one brief pacific thought William of Wonderland comes down and tells me to stash the illicit plant behind the garage in my extended state I of course think that the cops'll go right to it no matter where I try to hide it discover the thing and we'll all be hauled away that there's gonna be snarling snapping dogs everywhere so I wisely listen to my friend and I do by the time I get back upstairs Crazy Freddie has returned to the shindig he's shook but he's fine turns out that he did indeed call the ambulance but on his cell phone so the cops couldn't trace the call and he told the law and the EMT's that he had forgotten where the party was hell, he the novitiate was maintaining better than me ambulance drivers told him he'd just ate too much weed and to try to chill out go down the street to The Onyx and have a cup of coffee the cops did come but all that they could do was cruise the street shine their lovelight and eyeball the few that decided to exit the party which continued on Crazy Freddie staying on till the end pulse racing like a hummingbird waiting to sober up so's he could drive the party had been a strange success High Frequency Larry first to arrive and last to leave with a Cheshire grin on his face kept announcing until late late into the wee small hours of the morning that he'd choked down 5 magical cookies and that he felt great! a few days after Tony and I were off to Amsterdam where we would spend most of our time sitting at the bar of our flophouse hotel lobby getting high with the ex-patriot locals and transient Europeans inhaling cannabis with handles like AK-47 Bubble Gum White Widow and the nameless special select shit that supposedly was only available to the cup judges it smoked good The Cannabis Cup turned out to be a bit of a joke tho a frat boy thing sponsored by High Times Magazine who wanted 2 bills a pop from us to partake the cannabis convention was cool tho and the price was right it was free many tables on 3 floors with lots of crazy stuff for the cultivation and appreciation of the wonderful weed in order to fully appreciate the convention and the cup Tony and I would later pose as DEA agents wearing homemade badges created by native Dutch wunderkind Freeze-O so's we could crash the event we managed to scare the piss out of one old timer ex-patriot dead hippie American who flew under the banner Eagle the more we would tell him we were pranking the more he believed we were Feds it was nuts stumbled into some great coffee houses met some good people saw the red light district and had some great food slept on some hard floors and showered infrequently managed some decent slack after our return members of the CSG were invited over to smoke out and take some of the harvest home with them nobody left empty the bounty lasted about a week everything was great in the neighborhood Crazy Freddie talks about that party to this day I'll never fly coach to Amsterdam again someday they'll legalize this stuff and the world will be better for it 2001 S.A. Griffin |
