THIRD REEL


A Dylan song played in the background as she woke up. She had fallen asleep on the couch, listening to music. She awoke to the middle of a cold December night, the night before Christmas. Times had changed. Disoriented, she drew a blanket around her, then went to the kitchen. The house was cold with the furnace barely keeping the sub-zero temperatures from creeping into the house. She poured a glass of water and sat back down on the couch. More than the warmth of the blanket, a tenderness embraced her brought on by that dream.

Moments before she had been struggling in her dream, trying to make the right decision. There had been a sort of double image in her dream, as if the first and third reels of a movie were playing simultaneously. In that dream, she had sat in an auditorium. The event over, she had made her way along the rows of chairs to reach a man, sitting several rows behind her. There had been this sense of knowing him without clear recognition. Still, she ended up sitting face to face with him and behind him she saw an entire play unfold. She was in that play, as was he. It was a play about an angry wife and a mistress and a man. Sitting next to one another on those auditorium chairs, they felt drawn to each other with an intensity only dreams or that first moment of falling in love bring about. They had leaned toward one another and were about to kiss. The background play unfurled a drama about a relationship. That's when she had awoken. And Dylan was singing his heart out. She knew the words.

The wish for closeness lingered as she sat with her cold glass of water on the couch. She knew that faceless man. He took classes at the university where she teaches. She had stayed away from getting to know this man for several months. Their interactions were unavoidable in time, however, and they began to talk eventually. She saw his need to explore more than his academic studies. They began meeting for coffee before classes and had the most stimulating discussions, finding that their minds wrapped around ideas in similar ways. He is a brilliant thinker and opened up to her. She did to him. The connection they made at a deep level became evident. There was no doubt it could lead them into a relationship would they allow it. They didn't. Dylan made the point more poignantly; she knew she would break just like a little girl. She hadn't realized it until that dream showed her the third reel's drama before the first one began clarifying the plot.

There had been another man with a great mind in her life. He had been instrumental in her own growth and subsequent choice of profession. He had been her lover. It had been unavoidable. As she sat on her couch, held tight by the blanket, she thought back to those times. That man is still a close friend. In the long run, no one had gotten hurt. The man had gone on with his live, chose different partners over the years, and still calls her when he needs to discuss something important. She smiled a little, thinking how she had ended up becoming the confidante and dependable friend after all that passion. Times had changed. She had learned to live her life without acting thoughtlessly in the moment. She knows the story line formula too well and usually skips to the third reel whenever she meets someone these days. Even in her dreams.



- Gabriele Strohschen 2001