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by David Pishnery |
| in between yah I've been here before caught in the crosshairs of nowhere wondering what Reality has in store for me today not enough coins to fully dry clothes either chicken or spaghetti for dinner acrylic paint in the pores & remembering the feel of a brush in my hands lovingly stroking the canvas-type paper of nothing I've always wanting to do a series of poems about Reality but could never get up the courage to bore someone that much Reality being something you donut fuck with when it's a scab on your body from greeting each day already in the hole the weeks are flying by each one an indicator of what is to come waiting for Reality to bite me in the ass sooner than I would like it to I look forward to Monday's that relief of escaping another weekend alone with the thought of being nowhere this in between a no-man's land of mines and vicious tigers nipping at my ass & ankles it's too bad when you're governing your life with increment's of sadness instead of the cycle of Time telling you it's only a question of Time when you get it right suicide I'm still trying to figure out which way to go : a shotgun to the mouth is messy I don't want to burden anyone with the clean up & the cold barrel could give me sinus problems a swan dive off a freeway bridge would only cause major traffic jams spoiling an easy commute to work maybe getting into the Zoo after hours & bedding down with hyenas is the answer - give them a taste of living flesh & what it is like in the Wild - scared blood quivering heart & muscles a sport of sorts in finding out who wants to live & who wants to die happy but as I sit here in a hot tub of water relaxing sore muscles – a thought comes to me – why not here? self-contained sleep mask on a razor blade to thinning veins the womb-warm feel of water an image I've carried all my life of water beneficial but dark & deep the loss of pressure in the system just gliding out gliding gliding at least the clean up won't bother anyone just run the water again use scrubbing bubbles & I'll be gone out of life like a sign in a window saying "TO LET" but people who commit suicide don't usually talk about it – just think about it all day all night like a sickness I just want to get rid of this bodily & mentally killing pain - pain that stops me from sleeping stops me from going on |
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