| Thunder Sandwich #17
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 dweeb by jeff filipski |
| The crime report stated that the body was found behind a dumpster in a strip mall. I had been to the Prince strip mall once before to buy a fish. I remember it because the fish store had a 35-pound vegetarian cousin of the Piranha that was in a tank about as big as the fish— he couldn't even turn around to swim the other way. The fish was not for sale as it had been in the "private collection" since the 1970's. The dead body was wedged between a dumpster and a decrepit tool shed that was attached to a body/detailing shop. The body shop was two doors down from the fish store. Between the body shop and the fish store was a bowling alley that only had two lanes. I figured that was as good a place as any to start. When I asked the shift manager if he had seen anything unusual the night before, he said that a man had thrown himself down the lane as a practical joke. "I figured he was just showing off to his friend and his girlfriend or something. I didn't think it was anything serious." The shift manager was wearing a sky blue shirt with grease stains and he had tits that were bigger then my wife's. His name was embroidered on the shirt in cursive writing, Bob. Bob was nervous and sweating, but I knew it didn't mean anything. When I didn't say anything, he continued— "The automatic pinsetter tried to put the pins down on top of him. It was too late for me to do anything. The guy wasn't injured or nothing but he got all bent out of shape and hysterical like it was my fault. He was a big guy, too. He cussed me out for not having a pinsetter that was smart enough to know when somebody was under it. I tried to reason with him and told him he shouldn't have been throwing himself down the lane in the first place. But he just wasn't a man to reason with." "How did you end it with him" –I asked. "He just picked up and left before I got a chance to kick him out. I would've called the police if he stayed, but I didn't think it was necessary. The guy was a regular and he had never done anything like that before.? Bob slurped through the straw of his soda even there was nothing left. "Why what happened?" I took Bob outside and showed him the body behind the dumpster. "Does this look like the guy who came into your bowling alley?" He took off his visor and scratched what was left of his hair. "That's him alright. Jesus. Wow, I've never seen a dead body before." "You have any idea how he ended up back here?" "No sir. Not at all." I flipped the body over so I could see his back. He was wearing a red polo shirt. "See the pinsetter didn't do nothing to him" –said Bob. "I swear, he was fine when he left my lanes." I cut open the guys shirt and was surprised to discover that he had scales and the beginnings of a dorsal fin. "We'll all be damned" –said Bob. |
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| ISSN: 1534-4037 |
Edited by Jim Chandler & Haze McElhenny
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