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L.A.
i have never
fallen
out of love before.
(i've fallen in, but never out)
i have tapered out
slowly,
like a 12 step program.
the first being
admitting to myself
he really is an asshole.
and moving on.
getting over the addiction
is the hardest part in my process.
he's a habit
i've rather enjoyed.
i had to drop the pet names
Mr. Big, Dr. Bang, well, anyhow....
i had to lose the color red
dresses, nail polish, lipstick
it's an incubus
and reminds me too much
of riding the wagon
with him.
i am on the final
step now, and follow it
religiously.
i tell every woman
what a prick he is
and direct them
toward the next
loser's anonymous gathering.
A RULEBOOK FOR WOMEN
WHO LOVE MEN WHO CARRY
SPIT SWATTIN' LIPS AND A
LOADED GUN
they don't have feelings,
these men,
so crying won't help.
it might harm you actually
because your eyes
will swell and redden
and these men don't like that.
short skirts work
in your favor
and low cut tee's.
4 inch heels or greater,
blood red fingernails.
nice legs, a really tight
ass and blonde hair,
curly and long, but soft,
you don't want him to lose
a finger,
not there anyway.
don't smoke
or drink, unless
its wine, white or red.
smell like you
just stepped out
of the mouth
of a flower,
some sultry
night blooming kind.
and shower him
with affection,
but stay out of his way.
coo to him about
how great he is, how strong
and powerful.
act like a virgin
around his friends,
but,
whore it up in bed.
don't be a bitch
or a nag. do NOT
gain weight, if anything,
lose a little.
oh, and most important
ladies, if you really gotta have him:
don't age.
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