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late journey into darkness (for Carter Monroe)
cold nightmares fading into memories bard spirit self free drifting leaving graying body lantern theatre of flickering dreams father's old plymouth coupe peddling life insurance rural hardscrabble mail pouch dekalb signs mother at kitchen sink hotpoint stove maytag washer Mondays ironing board husband and wife providing genes chromosomes now distant cemetery dust chiseled headstone dates only history left years racing by frightening reality aging son backwater poet never going home again young tommy late Saturday nights motorola orange magic eye wwl clear channel jazz "blue room" exotic sounds roosevelt hotel penthouse suite overlooking lake pontchartrain "nawlins" metrop special musical seminar louie, dex, 'trane, fats waller, leadbelly nighttime shadows ricocheting off walls dancing across bedroom ceiling lake michigan picnic almost drowning dangerous south haven breakwater undertow still panicked moments remembering pull graduating from matinee milk duds rialto theatre oaters adventure serials steeped in high minded american patriotic ethos "peace" "justice" "american way" portage lake summer swimming water slide trapeze swing x-cello rubber machine dressing room wall contraband 3.2 indiana beer runs old ford flathead v-6 noisy muffler growl loud piston slap summer hush of corn stalks breathing sea of stars rushing overhead velda amish girl lover purring "tommmmm I've never felt like this" teenage marriage husband father soon bored sameness of sex divorced friend of the court lifetime pays never seeing daughter's concerts plays son's sporting game successes too late understanding loving requires gambling losing everything ego celebrity money grown up toys still empty painful memories electric sizzle blood rush of soft caresses knowing extraordinary "frieda" mate not to be unloading flatbed jacklin steel deliveries drunk aorta throbbing surging growing larger surviving thorazine meltdown rehab fogs true believer foot soldier bitch goddess academics discovering bellow's henderson growing whispers "I want I want" drumming refrain fleeing university honors chasing degree mediocrity literature without visceral spritzy edges sterile vocabulary faculty committee dictates following beckett creative dictum "fail, try again, fail better" lone bard shying from wannabe other poets losers in love with blank page excuses bio credits work in progress know it all backwater ghost town recluse others wondering what he has found mass mesmerized media hype suggestions life exciting things happening somewhere else beautiful people wondering what fun comes next graying existential cowboy distant runner poet refusing surrender giving in to ordinary ways still learning who I am time running thin growing suspicious becoming like emery steady sober salesman mornings brewing silex pot of drip coffee margaret's girlish scoldings "breakfast, hurry, don't be late for school"
reunion
reading poetry empty calumet theater ghost lamp red exit sign darkness mother first tow balcony quiet lone spectator "my son" admiration later casting crawlers
cattail tall reeds lac la belle shore coaxing yellow perch frying pan dinner momentary companion dad's shadow watching
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