To Swimming
(for Kenneth Koch)

In the Mississippi River, in an orange life jacket that choked me
But held me high above dangerous currents
And the back wash of barges
My arms and legs swung freely and I embraced you

Later the Red Cross gave me lessons
In a swimming pool
And when I could float on my back
I taught others, to get free admission

In the hot Midwestern afternoons I loved you
And vowed to know everything about you
I wanted every stroke to be special
To glide through the water without making a wake

In the cold early morning I wanted to dive in
Without having a heart attack
When I got to know you better
You took me to the oceans of Mexico

At night under the moon in a rip tide
Only you and the joy of darkness saved me
A quarter of a mile down the beach
Exhausted but alive

You took me to Northern California
And gave me a job in the redwood forest
Teaching kids from Berkeley your secrets
And at night you didn't seem to mind

When I skinny dipped in the dammed up river
As bats flew in low around our heads
Grabbing mosquitoes off the water
You sent me scuba diving

To marvel at the three dimensional lives of fish
Weightless
It was because of you I sailed Lake Michigan one summer
But it was without your touch

As alewives hit the fresh water
And floated in rotting droves past the boat
In gale force winds I felt confidant
That if the boom swept me away I could do what I had to do

When I was pregnant you kept me agile
Breastroking for hours
In front of lifeguards
Who were afraid someone might kick me

You took care of me
And being with you, made me happy
You gave my children laughter
As I sculled back and forth without moving my feet

Followed by porpoise dives and somersaults
And when I gave you to them in the Atlantic Ocean
They loved you too
Now you come with me in the long stretch

Across a lake in upstate New York
One luxurious third of a mile
Without edges or chlorine or elbows
I cannot imagine life without you


The Gateway Vanishes

In the afternoon
I sit where I can watch you
Getting coffee and bagels
Aware of my ignorance
Of who has loved you
Or would have sustained your clever heart
If you had let them
Under the wire mesh
Of love's compressing eyelids.
Were you waiting for heroes
To kiss your forehead
To sustain you without thirst?
Will you be given comfort
Though you cannot take it?
It moves by fast in a single frame
And the gateway vanishes
Though we search frantically
The gateway vanishes

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