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Richard Denner |
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WHEEL of TIME MANTRA BLADE In memory of Joe Saviers 1950-2002 May the samadi of bliss & luminosity arise in his mind stream skull bowl memorial in the charnel grounds life against death-- a dreadful dream Tashi prays over your ashes, naked on her moon time menstrual minstrel mistress her pussy which you so loved-- speaking to your mind stream you dead, gone to Bardo busted in your beard o, horror . is issuing from the brain shinning upon us to block our knock off a pearl in wine the web of life, and a worm weaving deep in the earth a wooden bowl is being filled with blood to make bread as the cauldron boils more gold and more gold is issuing from the brain white is holding a corpse in the east of the brain red is holding a banner in the west of the brain yellow is holding an arrow in the south of the brain black is holding a bowl in the north of the brain as the worm weaves . Tashi phoned me and asked if I would drive with her to Montrose, Colorado, and pick up Joe's truck and horse trailer, inventory things in his storage locker, then drive to Joe's ranch in Telluride to see if the house could be put on the market as a completed shell, check with the contractor, check with the lawyer, check with the realtor, stay in Montrose with Jack, at his brother's, deal with the mortician, where Joe's brother, Pierre, had left the truck and trailer after freaking out about hearing Joe willed everything to Tashi, had loaded the truck with stuff and left it with this dude who'd cremated Joe, who might be difficult to deal with, him being a debarred lawyer and used car salesman as well as a mortician, who might be holding the truck ransom for storage fees, hmmmm, obstacles, Joe had been having problems with the crew working on the house, trouble getting his construction loan, all kinds of pressure, Tashi said she was afraid to live in a tent near a gang of ex-cons with Joe driving them hard to get the work done, and she'd gone back to Point Reyes Station, then, Joe flew to Venezuela to a Norbu retreat, and he had begun to drink, fallen off the wagon and got crushed under the wheels, and would I drive with her in a rented car and sort out this stuff "Sure, why not?" . Tashi and I take the lonely highway which is a lot of desert to cross heading for a 40 acre spread near Telluride, land between the ranch of a movie star and that of a retired four-star general there's property, and then there's land Joe left left this world left a home half-built a four-wheel drive truck a four-horse horse trailer three horses and debts spread to the ten directions left half-finished yet, somehow left right on time . Pony Expresso Deli on the old Pony Express Trail espresso coffee in every small town in America, now driving a diesel and a horse trailer hehaw the open sky-- a part of me turning never returning, always rising a thousand roses practicing Xitro, Chöd, Simhamukha on the way rock 'n roll we're in the mandala we are the mandala . Jack thought of him while he was circumambulating the Karmapa's stupa in Crestone and had driven to Telluride to see him, arriving on the day Joe died, found him laid out in his tent, surrounded by knives, knives stuck in the tent posts, in the ground, knives everywhere-- Joe stabbing demons with his purbas, the autopsy said advanced stages of cirrhosis, liver failure aggravated by alcohol, no knowing . And could it be suicide? a reckless act, a hopeless soul headed to ultimate torment Ooops But what do we know? A few pieces of the puzzle fragments-- mostly nothing ignorant of your hopes and fears your wishes your epiphanies . we're on a longitude on our way to a latitude on our way to a kill box flying around with hot ammo intending to kill everything or we're rowing across a lake getting nowhere fast talking about the causes of happiness this is where my mind stalls-- there's a gulf a war in all of us . on a mission for the Kempo-- a stupa mission an energy generator must draw negative energy and transform it needing to prime the pump we searched for a skull for the negativity chamber blood from an accident earth from a fresh grave some weapons-- a gun from a gang killing a switchblade a rusty pistol from the Spanish American War a hunting bow and arrows a sword "Maybe, we should listen to the police band for an auto accident." "Just hang on, I'll probably cut myself shaving." put the earth in a plastic bag and drove back and at the turn by the red barn, a road kill a porcupine-- sans head no head still pondering that bit . in the ticking present-- nothing of consequence don't get attached, Joe seeing us going through your stuff no putting the petals back on the stem now the flower is torn . your photo album-- a photo of Hem on a fishing boat a photo of Coop in hunting gear photos of The Stones stoned you in bell bottoms ice skating with Sun Valley snow bunnies you laughing your gentle, giving, forgiving laugh your impish irreverence your healing side, then your quirky switch to macho your 30.06 in the gun rack your knives and bear skins and drums your skull bowl your saber tooth tiger tooth hint at who you were . I mourn the loss of my friend the years taken the stories untold the I mourn the loss of my friend I bless him I pray for his quick return I I mourn the loss of my friend his spirit among the shades . God is crazy God is a castrate God is a blind eye wrecking havoc on beauty Violence, violate, vile My friend is dead, ded daid, died, done gone BEYOND both virtues and faults . here-- I'm sure this is what you want to be remembered for walking down Fall Street you pick up a piece of dog poop and say "Look what I almost stepped in!" . your shrink didn't know your family and friends didn't know and even if we did what could we do about it you kept drinking and drinking and drinking and now we say prayers by the oven where you are cremated and we did a puja in the gompa on a full moon night Tashi heard your voice, it was raining through sunlight two rainbows appeared, so she put flowers on the shrine and Jack got a message, "What's up with the dead flowers?" . I tried to kill the rose creeping into the tower but it came back with a vengeance from your heart to my heart of you, part to part, of me now, healing we are rampages of feeling heaps of hopes and fears tangled in thought webs top, bottom and at the edge of beyond suns burn in you clear light pure fire |