Before I Left
		
		


		I was considerate.  I spared you nightmares
		of blood-soaked garbage bags.  I have them
		every night.


		
		I shouldn't have.  Your idea of fun
		was renting a hotel room on the fifty-second floor
		with windows permanently frozen open.  I spent
		a whole night in a corner, afraid the wind would suck me out
		and break my body on the concrete below.


		
		The picture of me lying in the alley
		bleeding to death in a dumpster
		would have been too good for your ego-
		"My dick kills!" my infertility


		
		would have become a joke at fraternity parties
		and new fodder for your own
		sick poetry.


		
		
		
		
		        Alcohol
		


		Forcing you to take my piss, I hate your
		flaccid obedience-I get so mean
		when you let me drink
		I dream in tongues.
		Alcohol and fish.


		
		Forcing you to hear the lies, the rotten stuff
		boiling inside-I long to sing
		when I get to drink
		screaming dreams.
		Vomit and piss.


		
		Too afraid to move, you lie beside me on the bed
		I've made you cry-again-we sleep together
		in the damp spots on the sheets
		they smell like you:
		Alcohol and fish.


		
		
		
		
		        Shell Shock
		


		He killed a little boy
		long time ago-
		Vietnam         Korea
		It wasn't Germany because
		the child was definitely
		not white


		
		Years later
		relaxed  beside the pool of his
		suburban tract home
		watching his own son playing
		with friends-


		
		a dead boy's ghost cried
		"I'm so lonely!  I'm gonna haunt
		you forever if you
		don't kill me
		someone to play with!"


		
		Terrified
		he ran upstairs-
		loaded his army-issue sub-machine gun


		
		From his vantage point
		fired random
		at the playing children
		the women playing cards next door
		the annoying neighbor
		eternally mowing his lawn
		and the yipping dog pissing
		on his flowerbed