IF CHRIST WERE BORN ON FALWELL'S BIRTHDAY


An evangelist says that Jesus would be wearing a Rolex
if someone gave it to him. Probably
The Virgin would do her eyes like Tammy Bakker
and own stock in General Motors.
Mary Magdalene would be the Mayflower Madam in Jerusalem,
while Joseph turned the stable into a condominium.

I wonder what Judas would charge today
to turn Christ into the CIA?

At least as much as Noreiga in one dope deal
would be the price for Judas to squeal.

Even though God does not exist,
I think She'd be turning tricks
in Her grave with defrocked priests
as the Prince of Peace consults
His Rolex to see when we'll all be saved

to spend eternity with the likes of Jerry Falwell
giving blowjobs to purple Teletubbies.


CUNNILINGUS WITHOUT THE CUNT

You said I fucked you out the other night.
You didn't have no orgasms left.

They were sprawled
on the floor,
the color of lungers,
but a heck of a lot larger,
gurgling wet death rattles.

We had to tip toe round
them on the way
to the bathroom,
sexual land mines.

The shy ones crawled
into corners,
the more aggressive
hung on rafters.

A couple months later
after you got
another guy,
I found a few
in the freezer behind
the Pop Tarts.

I defrosted them
in my toaster oven
and had cunnilingus   
without the cunt
before I went
to work in a hat factory.




Home                            Next